i thought we were cool.
thought we were friends.
ha. who am I kidding?

fuck.
don't want to lend me, just say so.
don't say ok, then lend it to that fucking bastard
and make me call you a fucking bastard.
cos you know i don't mean it
and i don't like it
but i can't help it.

sometimes i wonder why i still bother trying.
still bother hoping.
still bother living. cos i'm better off dead.

i hate this.
hate saying yes when i'm thinking, over my dead body.
hate being so fucking nice.
hate trying not to hurt anybody
when they always hurt us.
why do we still care?